The American Stretch

This week I have been participating in what I can only describe as an “American Stretch” Not the usual physical body type stretching but the learning – out of your comfort zone-type. I signed up for a free five day taster course on  learning how to be a speaker with ‘Women Rocking Business”  in order to get my message out there in an efficient and clear way. I am not afraid of speaking in front of a group of people. After all, I do that most days in a yoga class. However in one of my Feminine Power course modules I had a vision of me on stage talking to hundreds of people and I know deep down that this is what I want, need and am destined to do. So I took the class after seeing an advert on Facebook. As you do.

I really admire the American Women I see on these types of courses. They really are walking the talk and getting their work out there. It can feel a little overwhelming to little old English/Peruvian me, but some part of me deep down loves these women. I love their sparkle, their light, their ability to be upbeat, positive and to tackle all resistance in an assured and determined way. I am always hooked by their energy. I remember Claire Zammit from Feminine Power saying on her course how the Dalai Lama had said Western Women were going to save the world. Well, our American Sisters certainly believe it!

The discomfort and difficulty, dissociation and lack of attention this course bought out in me has shown me that I really, really need to learn this. I felt way  out of my league. All sorts of feelings came up. What if I do this and I am a complete success? Will I be able to carry all the people who look to me for guidance? Am I good enough? Organised enough? Can I do this alone? The enormity of the work I am here to carry out hit me like a truck. I feel run over. I only took in half of what was being taught, I really need to go back and redo the modules. I am resistant to that. I am resistant to all of it.

Yet it is exactly these feelings, these signs of contrast, resistance and panic that indicate to me that this is my life’s calling. These negative feelings are highlighting to me that I have so much to learn! There is gold in taking this hard path. There’s always more gold when it is stretching you beyond your limits. This is growth, this is evolving.  And ironically, with this group of people, I would be well supported.

So having started this year signing up to ‘Your year of miracles‘ with Marci, I am miraculously finding the exact course, community and insight to move forward now that my website is ready, my book is in edit and my video course is nearly ready. I feel like I am on the edge of a cliff with my new wings all ready to try out. I have the pathway laid in front of me, I have the kit, the knowledge and I am working on the courage. All I need to do now is step off the cliff and fly.

Of course, all else that’s needed now is a small miracle in the shape of the American Dollars necessary to do the course. These courses are always so amazingly expensive to us here in dusty old world Europe. I can’t get my head around the economy of scale. $2000 is equivalent to £20 on their scale. It’s nothing, it’s a small investment. Blimey, to me it’s so not.

I traded making big bucks 22 years ago when I gave up my corporate job to be a yoga teacher, follow my calling and have a different economy of scale in my life. Less money, yes but also more time. Time for my family, my home and my true calling. I gave up regular trips abroad, meals out, cinema trips and brand new anything. It was worth it. I don’t regret a thing. However when I come up against something I know I need to do such as this course that costs so much, and the fact that I don’t have the money to make the money… I can see the real chicken/egg dilemma, and I don’t know how to work my way out of it.

Any ideas?